A Dad's Guide to Pregnancy: Month 9

Coaching a Birth Is Labor-Intensive!

The childbirth classes are over, the nursery is ready for its soon-to-arrive occupant, the baby clothes are washed and put away, and now you wait. And wait. And think about the big day coming up (soon), and the call ("it's time!") that will change your life forever. All through those childbirth preparation classes, you both pretended to be in the delivery room, acting out the drama in your future, probably giggling a good deal as you did. Why does it suddenly seem terrifying and not the least bit funny? Will you be able to stand seeing her in so much pain? How will you hold up through the many hours (or days!) of her labor? (Do you feel guilty and selfish even thinking of that, when you know what she's about to go through?) And what if you can't cut through the umbilical cord? Take another deep breath — these are all normal anxieties. You have reserves of nerves (and strength and endurance) you don't know about (and, fortunately, so does she). You will be able to do it. And you will be so glad you did. The delivery process is one of the most miraculous experiences of a lifetime — and it'll bring you closer together both as a twosome and as a threesome.

What to Do This Month

• Practice putting the car seat in and taking it out. (You do have that car seat already, don't you?) You'll want to become a pro at this, and do it without jostling its occupant too much (you'll learn to appreciate the value of a napping baby very soon). Make sure you know how it attaches to the car; it's very easy to do incorrectly. Get really wild and actually read the instruction booklet. Or better yet, go to a car seat clinic at your local firehouse or police station or baby store and have your installation technique checked by a professional.
• Put the seat down. Urinary frequency, your spouse's constant companion in her first trimester, has probably come back to visit big time, now that her gigantic uterus is pressing down on her bladder, cutting way down on holding capacity. So if you haven't gotten the memo yet, keep the seat down (especially at night) and keep the hallway free of obstacles (your briefcase, gym shoes, basketball) and lit by a nightlight so she won't stumble or fall on her way to the toilet.
• Do a safety check. Does the changing table have a guardrail or at least a strap? Is the path from your bed to the crib clear? (You'll both be walking it a lot, so, again, get in the habit of clearing the clutter. And buy another nightlight or two to guide your way.) Think six to seven months ahead, when the baby is crawling: Get down on your belly and take a tour of the house; see how many glass objects, cords, wires, and choking hazards you can easily reach. What can topple onto you? Secure it, or get rid of it.
• Stock up. Running out to the store won't be that easy once your baby arrives (there will always be too many other things to do). So now's a great time to do a thorough shelf-filling of staples (from paper towels to pasta). If your cooking skills are up to it, fill the freezer, too, with meal-size servings of your specialties stashed in microwave-safe containers — so they'll be ready to pull out and defrost when cooking's the last thing either of you will have the strength to do.
• Look for a sign. If you're of a mind to announce the baby's arrival to the neighborhood, sign up now for one of those lawn-ornament storks. Figure about $100 for a ten-day rental. (Why a stork? They were once thought to bring luck and prosperity, two things every set of new parents need.)
• Check your stocks — of memory cards, film, batteries, videotapes, whatever you're planning to use to record the big day.
• Print your list. The phone list, that is — that all-important lineup of people who need to know when labor has begun and when the baby has arrived. Who simply has to know right away, and who can get an e-mail in a few days? Use the Who to Call Worksheet to sort them out. And don't forget to put the insurance company on it. Babies aren't automatically covered — and you probably have only 30 days grace to add your new arrival to your plan.

Topic of Conversation

Remember Month One, when you talked about what makes you such a good couple? Have that conversation again. Let her know again how much you love her (more than ever before!), and how much you're looking forward to this baby and to sharing the lifetime of parenting (or at least the next 18 years) you have ahead. Tell her that you're happy, and scared, and excited, and worried, and thrilled. She's all that too, and she'll be glad to know you're feeling the same. Talking about it lets you share the joy and ease the anxiety. Remember, and remind her, you're in this together.

This Month's Survival Tactic

This is your last opportunity to be just a couple before you also become a couple of parents. Plan some special two-time (a dinner and a movie out, or if she's too pooped for that, dinner that you've prepared or catered and a movie you've rented at home) that helps you feel even closer before life changes forever. And be prepared (as prepared as you can be, anyway) to get that call. And speaking of that call, keep your cell phone or beeper with you at all times (even when you run to the john at work).