By
Evonne Lack
Last updated: December 2016
7 signs that your baby loves you
She stares into your eyes: Newborns
love to look at faces, and yours is her favorite. That soulful gaze is a
hardwired survival instinct designed to attract love and attention from
a caregiver, says neuroscientist
Lise Eliot. But it's also the beginning of her love for you – she's realizing just how important you are in her life.
He recognizes your smell:
Given the choice between a dozen fragrant roses and your sweaty,
milk-stained T-shirt, your baby will go for the shirt every time. "Even a
1-week-old will turn his head toward a breast pad soaked with his
mother's milk," says Eliot. To your newborn, nothing smells sweeter than
you.
She smiles at you: The first time your baby gives you
a true, fabulous grinis a magical moment. It's her way of saying "I love you."
He talks to you: Your
baby's very earliest coos will be directed at you or another trusted
caregiver, says Eliot – he won't start by talking to himself. He'll use
this early language (called protoconversation) to engage with you, so
answer back! You're both laying the groundwork for real conversation
later.
She wants you around: About halfway through your baby's first year, you'll notice that
she's not happy with your absence.
She may scrunch up her face or cry when you step out of the room, and
she'll smile upon your return – a sign of her growing attachment.
He shares your interests: Whether
it's a display of holiday lights or the dirty laundry, if you
scrutinize it, your baby will do the same. Called mutual attention, this
behavior can start when your baby is just a few months old, but it's
more pronounced at 9 to 12 months. "It's a sign that your child is
engaged with you and values what you're paying attention to," says
pediatrician
Harvey Karp.
She uses you as a shield: Don't be surprised if your baby buries her head in your chest when someone new appears on the scene. "
Stranger anxiety" is a normal phase, and turning to you for protection means your baby loves you and trusts you to keep her safe.
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7 signs that your toddler loves you
He mirrors your face: Your
facial expressions are more contagious to your child than the freshest
virus at daycare. This is why he'll often smile when you smile or look
anxious when you're afraid. This mirroring begins in the newborn period,
but increases dramatically between the ages of 9 and 18 months, says
Karp.
She takes her cues from you: How would your
1-year-old react to an elephant frying an egg in the kitchen? Chances
are, she'd look to you. The world can be a confusing and surprising
place for your little one, and she uses your reactions to make sense of
it. She loves you and trusts your opinion.
He copies your behavior: Does
your little guy try to open the door with your keys? Does he "fix" his
hair in the mirror, just like you? "They say imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery – but for toddlers, it's also a sincere form of respect
and love," says Karp.
She engages with you: The
back-and-forth that started during babyhood is much more sophisticated
now. Your toddler wants to answer your questions, witness your reaction
to what she's doing, and tell you (in her own way) about her ideas.
Known as reciprocal social attention, this is a sign of your toddler's
attachment and confidence in you.
He uses you as home base: In
a new environment, your toddler may alternate between exploring and
running back to snuggle in your lap. It's a sure sign of trust and
attachment, says psychologist
Linda Acredolo. You're a safe, reassuring place for him to return to.
She turns to you for rescue: You're
walking through the park when a big dog runs up to your toddler. She
raises her arms for you to pick her up and hold her close. She trusts
you to help her, and that's a way of showing love, says parent educator
Mary Sheedy Kurcinka.
He seeks comfort from you: Your
toddler may hold out his hand so that you can kiss his boo-boo, or he
may cry for you to cuddle him after he trips on the front steps. He
knows he can count on you for comfort, says Acredolo – and he trusts you
enough to let you know when he needs it.
7 signs that your preschooler loves you
She acts up: You
turn away to chat with a friend on the playground and your preschooler
starts grabbing toys and throwing sand. If she doesn't have your
positive attention, she'll take negative attention over nothing at all.
"I call this the law of the soggy potato chip," says Karp. "In your
child's eyes, a soggy potato chip is better than no potato chip."
Frustrating as it can be, this behavior is another sign of how important
you are to your child.
You're his role model: As
in toddlerhood, your child likes to copy exactly what you do – but this
modeling has become more advanced. You'll see him "making an important
call" while hammering away at his "computer" or even cursing while
driving his ride-on car (oops). "To your child, you are a rock star,"
says Karp.
She makes verbal declarations of love: Finally!
At 3 or 4, many children begin to express their love with actual words.
You may hear "I love you, Mommy" or "Your skin is so soft" or even "I
want to marry you and be together forever." They all mean the same
thing.
He comforts you: Your preschooler may
surprise you with his empathy. Perhaps he offers you his special blanket
when he sees you in tears or gives you a kiss when you hurt yourself.
He's aping how you treat him when
he gets hurt or upset. This
is partly a survival technique, says Acredolo. You are your child's
world, and he doesn't like that world disrupted, so he's trying to set
things right. But it's also pretty darn loving.
She tries to hurt you with words: Love
shouldn't hurt, but when it comes to our kids, sometimes it does. If
you disappoint your preschooler or hurt her feelings, she may lash out
with an insult like "Mommy's a poophead" or even the dreaded "I hate
you!" It's not fun to hear, but – yes, really – it's more evidence of
how much your child cares for you. Karp explains: "An insult is a more
concise way of saying, 'You matter so much to me that you can make me
more upset than anyone else, so I want to hurt you back.'"
He gives you gifts:
You may receive a flower plucked from the front yard, a sparkly rock, a
crayoned self-portrait, or a "chocolate marshmallow sundae" created out
of bathwater and bubbles. Your preschooler's funny and touching gifts
are a way for him to show you that you're special.
She celebrates your return:
After time apart, your preschooler is likely to give you the VIP
treatment, hugging you and showing off her accomplishments. Bonus: This
will happen even if she was screaming when you left!
7 signs that your big kid loves you
You're his confidante:
When your child comes to you with a problem, it shows that he trusts
you, says Sheedy Kurcinka. He knows that you can help him manage his
feelings, and he's open to your guidance about how to make the situation
better.
She wants to do things for you: Your
child may want to bring you tea or even make your breakfast. This is a
particularly rewarding sign of love, especially after the toddler and
preschool years when you may have felt like a 24-hour waitress. As
Kurcinka puts it, "It's not just about you giving and giving anymore.
Now your child wants to give, too."
He's more flexible:
As much as we hate to admit it, there are times when we let our
children down. The good news is that big kids are more likely to take
this in stride, thanks to the reciprocal, loving relationship that
you've built over the years. So if you have to put off playing a game
until morning because you're tired, for example, he's more likely to
accept this calmly. He trusts that you'll follow through, and he has the
maturity to respect your needs in addition to his own.
She brags about you: As parents we brag about our kids all the time (at least to sympathetic grandparents and our spouses). Our kids brag about
us
too. So if you overhear your big kid saying, "My mommy can run faster
than anyone," take it for what it is – a sign of love and admiration.
He shows gratitude:
"When children say thank you to us, they're really expressing respect
and love," says Kurcinka. So the next time you give your child a snack
and he exclaims, "These are my favorite pickles! Thanks!" feel free to
say, "I love you too, honey." Or just take a moment to bask in the glow.
She tells you when you embarrass her:
If your child institutes a new "no hugging or kissing" rule at morning
drop-off, it doesn't mean she doesn't love you. In fact, it's just the
opposite – by expressing her limits, she's demonstrating the trust she
has in you. She knows that even if she puts the brakes on the juicy
goodbye, she still has the security of your enduring love.
He's a diplomat:
Your school-age child is able – and quite willing – to negotiate with
you. So if he wants some screen time but you want him to do his
homework, he's able to work together to find a solution. He trusts that
you'll listen to him, which makes him more willing to listen to you.
